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10/12/2002 Entry: "Kingdom Hearts."

Kingdom Hearts: been there, won that, bought the soundtrack. Next!

... I kid. Click here to read my extended, incoherent, and minorly spoilerful comments about the game.

I actually won the game about a week ago, but haven't really felt like writing about it. However, yesterday my copy of the soundtrack arrived in the mail, so I finally sat down to babble.

Okay, all in all, not a bad game. The camera gave me screaming fits, screaming fits -- it's been a long time since I've seen a camera so bad, folks -- and the menu system was a little clunky. Not so bad, not so good. The action RPG aspects of it made my hands hurt like a bitch. Button mashing, baby.

The gameplay was pretty good (except for that FUCKING CAMERA excuse me), the dialogue and plot bits were tedious, mediocre, saccharin-sweet, and obviously aimed at children instead of, say, bitterly cynical thirty-year-old women. I often found myself making vigorous obscene gestures at the television while Sora babbled on about his heart. That's right, I wasn't just flipping the characters off, I was extending my middle finger and flailing it angrily at the television while uttering angry little grunting sounds and occasionally regaining enough composure to scream 'SHUT UP!'. In other words, extremely typical smooth Disney product.
But when I was actually doing stuff (killing Heartless, solving puzzles, wandering around) it was a lot of fun.

Character designs: good. Yes. Soundtrack: good. Yes. KH versions of FF characters: sex on wheels. Yes. Ansem: total babe, made me drool. Yes. Ansem: had a modified mullet. Ack.

The final boss sequence, all nine gazillion stages of it, was terrific. The secret hidden ending movie -- the one you had to beat the Hades Cup for, the one you had to find all ninety-nine dalmatians for, the one you had to lock all worlds including the Hundred-Acre Wood for -- was indescribably cool, dark, grim, Matrix-like, and made absolutely no sense whatsoever, but I hunger to see it again. My god that was cool.

Oh, and Atlantica can bite me. FUCKING UNDERWATER WORLD AAAAAAAAA I DON'T WANT TO SEE SORA'S NAKED BOYTITS PUT A SHIRT ON THOSE! Man, how did Disney let them get away with that?

But Halloweentown made up for every bit of Atlantica-inspired ickiness and then some. Eeeeee.

Replies: add your comment: currently 6 comments

that sounds like it was klunky, but what's the game ABOUT? And what's a mullet?

Posted by Nagia @ 10/13/2002 07:42 AM EST

You know, you can set the camera control to manual. It's still not that great, but it's a hell of a lot better then it is on automatic.

Posted by Deirdre @ 10/13/2002 11:50 PM EST

Heh, I kind of expected that anybody who read my comments would have already played the game... it's about... forty hours long! Seriously, if you want a summary of the game, better to go to RPGamer.com or something. I stink at summaries.
A mullet is a fugly hairdo that's short on top and really really long in the back. Like a crewcut with a curtain, basically.

And nothing I did with that damn camera helped, manual or automatic. It got hung on walls. It wouldn't stay where I put it, but would slowly creep back to a bad angle. It would get stuck on monsters so that I couldn't see what I was attacking. It would get stuck inside my teammates so that I would see disembodied facial polygons.
Manual or automatic, it stunk. Jeezus.

Posted by Mooncalf @ 10/14/2002 12:54 AM EST

I wouldn't say that Ansem had a mullet, persay. The top and side hair was a goodly length, it was all just slicked back. Not a mullet, though it might fool the casual observer.

Posted by Zen'ei @ 10/14/2002 07:28 PM EST

Personally I thought that Ansem kindof looked like Sephiroth's and Akio's lovechild. That being said, he was _hot_. Especially with that voice... The voice acting in general was pretty good, despite the dialogue. 'cept for Wakka and Tidus' voices.

I totally agree with you in the camera issue. It's as though they just slammed a bunch of cameras in the game and didn't test them. The only thing I found that helped was the lock option, sometimes, when I was fighting bosses. Hahah.

They're making a second KH btw, the secret ending is a teaser :D

Posted by Genn @ 10/15/2002 01:14 AM EST

I have heard similar problems that you did, Moon. NO ONE Seems to like the camera in the game at all. That's a bad sign for sure...
You really like the soundtrack that much?? It's really that good, huh? Hmm...

Nagia: Yeah, what Moon said about mullets. Here an example: In MGS 2, Snake's....new hair cut is basically a mullet. >_<

Posted by Wolf @ 10/15/2002 01:23 PM EST