Okay, so I usually don't do this kind of thing, but when I tripped over this fandom quiz in Mullenkamp's LiveJournal, well, I laughed my ass off, decided to see what my own answers would be, and ended up riffing on the quiz so bad that I wanted to post it.
So, here, my answers to the 'Fandoms I Have Known Quiz', or the 'My Fandom Sex Life Quiz':
The one who seduced you and fucked you over and broke your heart in a million pieces and laughed about it: Oh, Vagrant Story, the one who said 'aw, baby, relive the very worst of high school for 140-odd pages for me and get a reputation as the craziest fangirl in existence, I'll make it worth your while'. Bitch. Call that making it worth my while? She ain't as big of a mover and shaker as she thinks. When she calls me in ten years because she's about to have a baby with her lawyer husband, see if I don't hang up on her skanky ass. Obscurity in suburbia is all she deserves... oh, I don't mean that.
The old flame you don't see very often any more but whom you still really enjoy getting together with for a few drinks and maybe a pleasant nostalgic romp in the sheets: Dear old Wild ARMs. I always thought we were going to go somewhere, really make something of ourselves, but we never could quite see eye to eye, and eventually she just drifted away... I believe in third chances, though, and we're on the verge of getting ours. Maybe this time she and I will find our common ground.
The mysterious dark gothy one with whom you used to sit up talking until 3 a.m. at weird coffeehouses and with whom you were quite smitten until you realized she really was fucking crazy: That would be the twins, SaGa Frontier One and SaGa Frontier Two. Fraternal twins, of course, they never looked a damn thing alike. But One was so dark and twisted, with so much crazed energy, and jealous of Two who was always slow, but so much prettier (and blonde!) and meanwhile there I'd sit between them watching them spin off each other into a deep pit of strangeness. I always wondered what would have happened had I actually gone back and spent another week with them. I fear the answer.
The one you spent a whole weekend in bed with and who drank up all your liquor, and whom you'd still really like to fuck again although you're relieved she doesn't actually live in town: I would have to say poor underappreciated Guardian's Crusade. Poor girl, I think I was her only American fling ever, since every time I bring her up in conversation no one ever knows who I'm talking about. So plain, so chunky, so monotonous but eager to please... and if you looked, if you really looked, she had a certain innocent beauty that made it all worthwhile. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride, that's Guardian's Crusade. Sometimes I pass a phone on the street and think about giving her a call, but she has emotional problems; she latches onto even the slightest amount of kindness and turns it into a huge thing, and I haven't got the strength to take her desperate needy love any longer.
The steady: Star Ocean, dear beloved Star Ocean. I share her with a friend, you see, and between us we keep her well-fed and rosy-cheeked. She seems happy, and she should, because we both love her so very, very much; you know, people say that threesomes never work out in the long run because of jealousy issues. I hope they're wrong. I think so. I know that jealousy only enters the picture when someone attempts to horn in on our peaceful little trio...
... but god forbid she should ever find out about those late nights and long weekends I spend with Suikoden. Damn me, damn me for being able to love so much and so widely that I can never be faithful to a single fandom...
The ex: FF8. The bitch. I never liked her in the first place, but she was such a damned easy lay, and she'd just cringe and let me walk all over her whenever I pleased. In public. There's a strain of asshole in my makeup that really enjoyed having such a pretty fucking doormat. But then I took a long look at myself in the mirror one morning and realized that I was becoming a fandom-beater, and I was getting to the point where even beating her bored me. So I told her we were through. Bitch didn't even care.
The alluring stranger whom you've flirted with at parties but have never gotten really serious with: FFX. Oh, god. We met at a party and ended up talking all night, and she'd stop and flirt with everyone else as they went by, and then I saw her give her hotel room key to some other girl, and I... I just lost it. I ended up saying and doing things I've never done before, and we ended up...
We...
We ended up crammed in the bathroom together having desperate angry sex, and I... I called her by someone else's name and she promptly told me I was out of character and out of line and since then, there's been nothing. Oh, I've had dreams, ideas of the things we could do together, but she hasn't been waiting for me. She has so many suitors that I'll probably never get my chance with her again.
The one you hang out with and have vague fantasies about maybe having a thing with but ultimately you're just good buddies 'cause the friendship is there but the chemistry ain't: The Harry-Potter-and-Marauders-and-Everything-Hogwart's Fandom. I'm sorry, she seems like a nice girl, but her family is fucking insane. I don't need that kind of grief in my life.
The one your friends keep introducing you to and who seems like a hell of a cool gal except it's never really gone anywhere: Oh, FF7... I lost my virginity to her, you realize. I was so young, so naive, so new to everything... I never realized what a favor she'd done for me. Even now when I look at her I realize that she's done it all and seen it all and there's nothing I could possibly offer her. I tried once. She thanked me profusely but I could see the boredom in her eyes.
The one who's slept with all your friends, and you keep looking at her and thinking, Her? How the hell did she land all these cool babes?: My damn bitch ex FF8 again, here. God, what a shallow whiner. Turns out she was doing all my friends behind my back. Fucking passive/aggressive shit. Bitch couldn't speak up and say 'don't beat me, baby', she just goes out and does all my friends instead. Even after I left her sorry ass I keep hearing about her and one of my friends, and it just rips me up inside. Like she knew it would. Bitch.
The one your friend has fallen for like a ton of bricks and whom she keeps babbling to you about on the phone for hours, and you'd be happy for her except you just know it's going to end badly: Oh, poor Yami no Matsuei, all she wants is to be loved, and she tries so hard, she gives everyone everything they want; and right now they all love her, sure, she's a dream come true for them, and they fuss over her and pay her compliments and the sex, oh the sex is wonderful. But let her age just the tiniest bit, let her get even the slightest bit older, and they'll get tired of her. Suddenly her desire to please will look desperate instead of wonderful, and she'll have already used all the little teases and tricks in her repertoire, and suddenly everyone who was spending ten, twelve hours a day with her will look up and say '... where has the time gone?' and then she'll be alone again, and she'll be so sad... I admit it, even I've taken a piece of her, and I love her with all my heart, but I can already foresee a day when it'll all be over. She smothers you, you see. When you love someone this much, you burn out on them fast.
Poor Yami no Matsuei. Ten years from now I'll pass her on the street and she'll look so old, so old and hard, but I'll still be able to see the remnants of the beautiful funny woman she was, and it'll break my heart... and that'll be what I deserve, for breaking hers all those years ago.
... I'm sorry. I need to be alone for a little while.
Replies: add your comment: currently 2 comments
LOL God, I so love your cynicism, Moon. I really do. I should post my own answers to these questions, but upon reading them, and thinking about your own answers, some of these are really tough for me to answer. Hmmm...I'd have to think about it.
How innovative!!
Posted by Wolf @ 10/02/2002 10:43 AM EST
Once again...i am shown why i repeateadly come back here. ROCK ON MOON!
Posted by Cloud12287 @ 10/02/2002 09:00 PM EST
