1. A kitten's preferred state is to occupy every single square inch of surface space in his territory simultaneously. When this cannot be achieved, it is mimicked by the use of high velocity and a lot of little scrabbling noises.
2. Similarly, it is not possible to know simultaneously where the kitten is and how fast the kitten is moving.
3. It is not, technically, possible to tell a kitten anything. This is axiomatic.
4. A kitten in motion tends to remain in motion, at least until fed or picked up. A kitten at rest is only teasing.
5. As with electrons, kittens tend to orbit a nucleus containing their food bowl and whatever it is they're not supposed to touch.
6. When a kitten and an older cat are forced by their orbits to collide, the process is called fusion or, more colloquially, YOU TWO STOP THAT FIGHTING RIGHT NOW!.
7. The addition of water to kitten/cat fusion causes fission.
8. Like water, kittens seek their own level. Generally, they choose couch or bed level, although kitchen counter level will do.
9. As long as the kitten is safely ensconced in its carrier and not screaming, one really does not care whether it is alive or dead or in some indeterminate state.
10. Occasionally, after separating the kitten's claws from the older cat, one will look at the kitten and wonder if adding a second cat to the household was truly such a smart idea. This is known as the Uncertainty Principle.
11. A kitten, when fully immersed in water, will a) displace an amount of water approximately ten times its own volume and b) scream.
12. 'Kitten' is a colloquial term for 'entropy'.
13. A kitten and an old bootlace are all that is required to demonstrate centrifugal force.
14. If you rub a kitten vigorously with a piece of silk while holding an amber rod and shuffling your feet, and then extend an inflated balloon towards the kitten, the end result will be a very angry kitten, several bleeding scratches, a ruined silk handkerchief, and a popped balloon.
15. The universe is curved. The kitten is twisted. The older cat is, simply, bent out of shape.
Replies: add your comment: currently 8 comments
LOL
Leave it to Mooncalf-sensei!!
: 3 <----Happy Kitty Face!
Posted by Wolf @ 08/24/2002 03:59 PM EST
Well, Moon, you managed to reference Archimedes, Euclid, Isaac Newton, Heisenberg, Einstein, and even Murphy. But you failed to reference the most important one of all, Schroedinger. Go to:
www.straightdope.com/classic/a1_122
for the facts.
Dad
Posted by Father Moon @ 08/24/2002 04:19 PM EST
Dad:
Reference Law #9, please!
9. As long as the kitten is safely ensconced in its carrier and not screaming, one really does not care whether it is alive or dead or in some indeterminate state.
And, for the record, that Cecil Adams column has always been my favorite. Anyone who can write physics in verse is A-okay with me: here is the URL, in case the one above doesn't work for the rest of you.
Statistically speaking, the cat (goes the joke),
Is half a cat breathing and half a cat croaked.
... I love Cecil.
Posted by Mooncalf @ 08/24/2002 06:43 PM EST
Yeah, I knew that. I just thought everyone would get a kick out that verse.
Posted by Father Moon @ 08/24/2002 08:17 PM EST
ROTFLMAO!!!!! It was about sixteen years ago, but that sounds very familiar when we got my own cat. Hehe. Only in her case, there would be a law of physics involving small felines with claws, and their ability to climb wallpaper with a grassy texture so that they're at eye level. =^.^=
Posted by Lex @ 08/24/2002 11:04 PM EST
"14. If you rub a kitten vigorously with a piece of silk while holding an amber rod and shuffling your feet, and then extend an inflated balloon towards the kitten, the end result will be a very angry kitten, several bleeding scratches, a ruined silk handkerchief, and a popped balloon."
Moonie, I love you. Except when you make mango-ginger soda spew from my nose.
Posted by Yscaldine @ 08/25/2002 11:09 AM EST
"Remember, a 300-pound cat is not necessarily as much fun as 30 10-pound cats." -- Joe Thompson
Posted by Paddy McPaddy @ 08/28/2002 05:16 PM EST
ah.. Having fun with the new kitten I see..
Hehehehehe...
Posted by Sheerlyevil @ 08/31/2002 12:43 AM EST
