The mall closest to my house has a 'play area' for children that's actually, in my opinion, pretty neat. The floor is soft and padded, so that they can run and fall without hurting themselves; strewn around on said floor are huge, huge soft-foam sculptures of... breakfast food.
That's right, soft squishy pieces of bacon that are eight feet long, a pair of sunny-side-up fried eggs big enough to be trampolined on, two giant chunks of shredded wheat, a whole bunch of banana slices, etc. etc. ad nauseum.
The play area is ringed with comfortable benches so that the parents can sit and watch their children play and catch their breaths. (Doubtless there are moronic parents who ditch the child in the Breakfast Area and blithely abandon them to go shopping, but that's not really my lookout.)
I know I would have loved the Breakfast Area when I was a kid, and even now, when I'm almost thirty, I have to stop myself from running out to jump around on the eggs myself. But I digress.
See, this particular mall is two stories high. And there's a big atrium space just above the Breakfast Area, so if you're so inclined you can stop and lean on the railing and look down and get a bird's eye view of the children playing.
Now, think about this for a second. Food, lots of very realistic-looking food, looking almost realistically sized from this vantage point, and a whole bunch of tiny shapes swarming all over it.
That's right. All those precious children, those beloved infants, those adorable sperm'n'egg omelets... look exactly like a swarm of ants attacking the food at a picnic.
And that is how I feel about children in my life: ants destroying my picnic.
Thank you, and good night.
Replies: add your comment: currently 14 comments
Ants at a picnic. *snfff* How poetic! How appropriate! *blows nose* I'm touched, Moon...
Er, well, *touched* isn't quite the right word.
...um...
More like "amused beyond all reason". Yes. *grins* Why, no, I'm not particularly fond of larval humans either. Why do you ask?
Posted by Nathan @ 06/20/2002 07:57 AM EST
I live close to the Mall of America, and that has an amusement park right in the middle of it. So if you ever go there, you are bound to hear children screaming, no matter where you go. (Unless you go to the aquarium in the basement.) But on the plus side, it's not restricted to just children.
I'll shut up now.
Posted by Okochan @ 06/20/2002 10:40 AM EST
Actually, I've stood and watched them sometimes and have been jealous they get to play there. Why are they so special they get to play in the shredded wheat when I cannot? I'd be good and take of my shoes. I think we need playgrounds for adults... though I would prefer no people watching me from the second floor.
Posted by inky @ 06/20/2002 02:47 PM EST
Oh boy...thats a good one. Actually...if you ask me...a sky view of two sunny side up eggs might look a little....inappropriate and i thought thats were you were going with this. Really though...i think the analogy of children being ants at a picnic is beyond true. Thats something you could quote and put down in history. Because i think there are ALOT of people who would agree with you.
Posted by Cloud @ 06/20/2002 05:09 PM EST
*Is quite amused* This entry was very good on all aspects. You had me worried for a moment with the sudden seeming of affection toward those little insects, but I am happy to see that this turned into an outlook on kids. One that I have to agree with ^_^
Posted by Jess @ 06/21/2002 12:09 AM EST
Ah, kids. Too bad you can't fry 'em with a magnifying glass.
Posted by Lex @ 06/21/2002 11:43 AM EST
LOL!
Posted by Wolf @ 06/21/2002 03:45 PM EST
*cackles a-loud at Lex's comment*
We have one of those play areas around here, only it's got a more "swampy forest with a random gold mine and a foam pickup truck" theme. And it's always swarming with an absurd amount of children, I'm surprised it hasn't been chewed apart by now or something..
Posted by saikou @ 06/21/2002 07:59 PM EST
This is all wrong.
Ants are *much* cuter than children. Ants clean up after themseleves, they don't wear diapers that need changing, they don't wipe snot on doorknobs, they don't fake the dry heaves when they're upset...
Posted by Sarah @ 06/21/2002 09:32 PM EST
Ahh, everyone's disrespecting the chillin's. Poor them, they're just the product of their surroundings. Like all of you. For Shame, for shame. But really, kids aren't bad, if you train them, and listen to them... right?
Heathen over and out...
Posted by Aaron @ 06/22/2002 12:13 AM EST
You know, I think I used to *be* a kid... no, wait, that had to've been someone else.
Breakfast food beats our mall, which is an enormous moonscape that is vaguely disturbing when viewed from the second floor. Though appropriate, if you have that "children are little alien heathens" outlook...
Posted by StB @ 06/22/2002 08:17 PM EST
I have a feeling I'm going to be a major outcast in the 'net world when I finally have kids. :P
Posted by Red Draco @ 06/23/2002 02:34 AM EST
...for the record, my comment was sarcastic. I would've winkey-smiled it, but I think I remember a rant against people who use emoticons, so...at the risk of being even more irritating, I left it out.
Anyhow. Already commented on that in a previous comment. :)
Posted by StB @ 06/24/2002 01:54 PM EST
I'll love your children, Red!
Posted by Adobe @ 06/25/2002 04:32 PM EST
