I don't like nickels.
Now dimes, I like. They're so little and thin and unassuming, and I guess it kind of works on the same part of my brain that likes collectible knickknacks, the part of my brain that sees something itsy-bitsy and mostly useless and goes ooh! how cute! and next thing you know I own it. And then it sits on my bookshelves and gathers dust until I give it to the Goodwill, or in this case, my piggy bank. Plus you can hold a whole whopping lot of dimes in one hand, and it feels kind of neat to do that, and if you hit someone it'll really hurt and dimes will go spilling everywhere and that makes a neat noise. Unless you do it on carpet and I don't recommend that.
And I like quarters. God, I love quarters. They're just the right size and weight to feel like real money and they thunk into your palm with a nice heft; plus I remember when arcade games used to cost a quarter, so having a quarter reminds me of that, and then I reminisce to the kids around me about how video games only used to cost a quarter to play and they look at me all wide-eyed and says 'wow, you mean you could buy a game CD for a quarter?' and then I say 'no, not a console, at the arcade!' and they look at me all wide-eyed again and say 'arcade? what... oh! where we play DDR!' and then I have to beat them for disrespecting my middle-class whitebread mid-80s upbringing like that. So, uh, you know, gratuitous child-beating for the price of a quarter, and who doesn't want that?
Now, I can take or leave pennies. The really shiny ones are nice; sometimes I get a penny from a year I haven't seen a penny from before, and I like that. And sometimes I get a wheat penny, which I will then scrupulously save in a pile with my other four thousand wheat pennies, because look! different money! that's so cool! But old non-shiny pennies kind of bore me. Although I'll still pick them up if I see them on the ground and they're lying face-up, because I'm just that kind of superstitious hobag I figure why bother to test the ancient superstitions to see if they're false, especially when succumbing means I'll have a penny? Mmm, a penny. Okay, so maybe I like pennies.
I don't ever want to spend my shiny gold Sacajawea dollars. I just want to curl up on the couch with them and gaze at their shininess and marvel at the fact that they're worth a whole dollar. Or they would be, if I ever spent them.
But nickels? No. Too fat, with that obnoxious shiny rim to remind you how fat they are. At least the penny's shiny rim is thin. But no, nickels have to flaunt their width, and I'm not down with that. Plus they're far too big for their worth. Why couldn't they be dime-sized but, I don't know, square? Or polygonal! I'd like that.
Nickels just don't sit right with me. I'm sorry. But I found a buffalo-head nickel in my change once, and I like that one. Because look! different money! that's so cool! even if it is a nickel!
So, here's the deal. If you're ever hanging around with me in person -- and you might be doing so right now, I mean, you don't know what I look like, really -- you can come up to me and ask if I have a nickel, and if I do, you can give me a penny and I'll give you my nickel.
Really.
P.S. I also have about a dollar in Canadian change. It has queens and animals on it. I like this. Because look! different money! that's so cool! moosey moosey moosey beeeeeeaver!
P.P.S. I didn't mean 'moosey beaver' like that, you sicko. Give me back my nickel.
Replies: add your comment: currently 32 comments
I love those Sacajawea dollars. We call them "golds". But with a pirate accent. As in, "where's me golds, arrrrr."
The best part is going into the liquor store near my house and knowing you can purchase a six-pack of PBR for THREE GOLD PIECES. Makes me feel like an old-school Nintendo character, but less pixelated.
Posted by Big Big Truck @ 05/29/2002 09:32 AM EST
Canadian money rocks! Pennies with the Queen, nickles with beavers, dimes with the Bluenose II (which docks right across the harbour from Nezumi) and quarters full of caribou goodness! And we even have $1 coins with loons on them, and two-tone $2 coins which are ever so much fun to save that have polar bears!
Too bad our paper money's not so nice as it was, even if it does come in a number of designer colours. The $10 isn't so bad, it looks like European money. But the $5? How dare they replace the kingfisher with road hockey! Sure, there's little more Canadian than road hockey, but really. Money deserves a little more dignity.
To say nothing of poor Wilfred Laurier, who doesn't look at all well.
Posted by Nezumi @ 05/29/2002 09:59 AM EST
The stamp vending machines at the local post office gives change in gold dollars! :D I went there and pumped in a twenty and then bought one fooking stamp JUST to see all those golds come chinkling out. It was like winning a jackpot, man~
Posted by Meriko @ 05/29/2002 10:48 AM EST
Remember the days when there were no cell phones and Payphones cost a Quarter. I do and sure has hell miss them. .50 cents. What are they trying to pull?
Posted by Nick @ 05/29/2002 12:09 PM EST
Man, the stamp vending machines SCARE me. I had to buy christmas card stamps on a Sunday, so all I could use was the vending machines, and all I had was a $20. So I ended up with like 15 gold dollars clanking around my pocket for the rest of the day (I ended up giving all but two to a friend who actually knows a machine that takes them).
And I hate nickels too. They suck. They're entirely too big and heavy for something that's only worth 5 cents.
Posted by Ed @ 05/29/2002 02:15 PM EST
We generally call the Sacajawea dollars "doubloons", although some of us are holding out for "gil". Because we are big fat dorks like that.
Posted by D @ 05/29/2002 08:46 PM EST
I'll never spend the coins I brought back from Japan. Well, maybe the 1-yen coins, as they're little more than aluminum shavings. 5 and 50-yen coins are neat, though- got the whole through the middle and the jingle nicely when put on a keychain. 100-yen-coins are pennies done right- you get the cool shiny copper color, only in the quarter-size! And 500 yen coins aren't just big and handy and worth nearly 5 of your American dollars; their weight also makes them a handy weapon when there's not a baseball bat or tire iron readily to hand.
But yes! Quarters and Sacawagagkeaecucaracha coins are the ultimate in U.S. currency. I'm still working on my goal to collect every quarter currently in circulation, by force if necessary ^^.
Posted by Shax @ 05/29/2002 08:46 PM EST
Thought you all might like a history lesson. The dime is smaller than the nickle because in the old days it was made of silver while the nickle was a copper-nickel alloy. All of the larger coins were also made of silver. The notches on the edges of the dimes and larger coins is called reeding and it was done to prevent people from filing off the edges of silver coins to accumulate silver dust and still having the spending power of the coin. In my day, you rarely got dimes in change, it was almost always nickles, because they fit in most vending machines, and you got a lot of half-dollars in change, and you never see half-dollars anymore. Of course, in my day, phone calls were a nickle and first-class postage was 3 cents, but they were not necessarily the "good old days".
Posted by Father Moon @ 05/29/2002 10:48 PM EST
Good god....Moon..you make me feel younger then i really am. I was around when arcades cost about a quarter. When i was young that is. I love collecting different money. The coolest piece i have is a pence from England..not sure how much its worth here OR there. But damn...you know...i wish we could use playing cards for money. That was really what they used as money at one point in one small Canadian town. The governer would sign them and make them legal tender. Not sure how it worked. So...what did they use for cards at poker games?
Posted by Cloud @ 05/29/2002 10:51 PM EST
I looooove dollar coins. Reminds me of being in Japan...where you get to have a huge pocket full of change and $5 counts ars loose change, which means you gotta spend it on some manga and get it out of your pocket^^
Posted by Kyrn @ 05/29/2002 11:57 PM EST
Shax, stick those 1 yem coins in a glass of water and watch 'em float!
Posted by Kyrn @ 05/29/2002 11:59 PM EST
I gots a coin that I found in the garden, and when I scrubbed it off clean it had all this cool snakey-looking writing in Arabic or something. I still haven't the faintest where it's from but I loves it!
And here in New Zealand we have coins with tuataras on them. Tuataras are big lizard things that only live in New Zealand and they're old. Real old. Dinosaur old.
Posted by Lattie @ 05/30/2002 12:20 AM EST
/I/ started calling them 'doubloons'... because it's easier to say than 'pieces of eight'. Still feels like pirate money. D'arr.
Posted by Whitney R. @ 05/30/2002 12:53 AM EST
LOL I'll go with "pieces o' eight"!
Pennies are good to throw at people. Not that I would do such a thing, of course....*cough*
I have an old Buffalo-Head Nickel from a looooooonnnnnnng time ago. Not quite sure when/where it is from....
I also collect all the new state quarters. I have two books to keep them in (yes, I'm only using one of them, I just happen to have 2). I denno; it's just fun. But My state quarter won't be out until, like, 2007.....Moon, the Ohio state quarter is out. I've got mine. I hope you have yours. ^_'
Just thought I'd throw in....my two cents!! ^_^ pleasedonthitmepleasedonthurtmeforthatlamelamejokeimsorryimsorryimsorry!!!
Posted by Wolf @ 05/30/2002 02:27 AM EST
Dude, I love dollar coins. Because when I'm leaving my wallet behind, I can just drop a handful of coins in my pocket and have money, without the wrinkledness.
And they're great for delivering pizza, because it's a whole lot easier to dig change out of your pocket and count it with one hand when it's coins, not crumpled up paper.
Posted by Lack Thereof @ 05/30/2002 04:27 AM EST
Coindicidentally, "queens and animals" is the description on the back of the pornographic video I'm currently watching.
Ahem. The nice thing about Canadian money is that we have one- and two-dollar coins now, so you can have a handful of change that's worth like $20. Also the two-dollar coins have a different-coloured circle in the middle, which reminds me of those European coins with holes in them.
Posted by AJ @ 05/30/2002 06:04 AM EST
Hong Kong $2 coins have a wavy edge! They rule. And $10 coins are all thick and heavy and two-toned. They also rule, but get heavy in your pocket pretty quick.
Thought I'd share.
Posted by Quezzie @ 05/30/2002 06:36 AM EST
I like English 50 pence pieces. They have seven sides (a septagon?), and each is a pretty flat arc from a circle rather than being completely flat to allow them to roll inside vending machines. And every now and again they bring out a new design to celebrate something - libraries for one, and 50 years of the National Health Service is another.
50p - for when round coins are just too boring ;)
Posted by JohnnyBoy @ 05/30/2002 07:38 AM EST
Oh yeah... did you know that Australian 'paper' money is actually made out of plastic? It lasts longer than paper, and allows them to do cool things like having clear windows in the plastic as an anti-forgery thingy. Interesting, huh?
Posted by JohnnyBoy @ 05/30/2002 07:41 AM EST
I generally call Sacajaweas coins sacky or sackies.
Doubloon is nifty but sacky rolls off the tongue more the way quid does.
*sob* I want my quid back! *connives to go back to her beloved England*
Posted by Felicity @ 05/30/2002 04:16 PM EST
I do spend the gold dollars. I spend the hell out of the gold dollars. You know why I spend the hell out of the gold dollars? Because if enough people spend the fuckers instead of squirreling them away in jars to ooo at, Our Right Honorable Elected Officials might finally decide to do away with the piece of shit that is the one dollar bill. Don't get me wrong, dollar bills have their charm, especially if you're the type of person that writes "FNORD" over the pyramid-and-eye, but the gold dollar is just so damn much cooler. You can put a bunch of them in a little leather pouch and pretend they're GP or gil or bits or fol or whatever imaginary currency you want to deal in that day. You can't do that with plain old everyday money!
Dollar bill boo. Gold dollar yay.
And as far as I'm concerned, our Right Honorable Elected Officials can take the penny and shove it up their asses. The only reason you have pennies is so you can give one to a clerk to keep from getting four back.
Posted by chaobell @ 05/30/2002 07:20 PM EST
And belatedly, I am convinced that the United States has the UGLIEST FUCKING PAPER MONEY IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.
Look at Bahrain! Look at Turkey! Look at GODDAMN NEAR EVERY OTHER CIVILIZED COUNTRY IN THE WORLD! Little silvery shiny strips woven into brightly colored watermarked paper money! What do we have? Green and black. Ho fucking hum.
I'm going to mint my own money, I swear. With a pre-FNORDed pyramid-and-eye on it.
Posted by chaobell @ 05/30/2002 07:24 PM EST
I agree, I wamt pretty rainbow money with gold foil.
Posted by Kyrn @ 05/30/2002 11:54 PM EST
Mwar har har har! You is never to cease amusing of me! I am collected of great wisdom to make great emporer GO! For freedom and love!
Posted by Bloody Ink Pen! @ 05/31/2002 09:59 AM EST
Oooh, I'll have to bring some Australian money with me when (not if!) I visit, Moon... weirdarse different-sized plastic notes and gold $1 and $2 coins, as well as dodecahedral 50-cent pieces!!
Personally I adore collecting square coins and coins with holes in them, though. They're the bomb. :3
Posted by Pirotess @ 05/31/2002 10:04 AM EST
*sets up a cheering squad for chaobell*
I'm for getting the $1 bill out of circulation because dammit, they suck. They have a life of only about 9 months whereas coins can last for 50 years and still be in good condition for circulation.
Damn you U.S. government! Damn your eyes! You made the public once-bitten and twice-shy with that stupid Susie buck. We AND she deserved better! And you've ruined it all!
Posted by Felicity @ 05/31/2002 07:49 PM EST
i.. well.. uhm.. i have a bermuda nickel? with a queen's head on one side and a fish on the other.. ^^;; hi.
Posted by nikki @ 05/31/2002 10:48 PM EST
Hahaha, if you like the Canadian change, you'll LOVE the toonies and loonies. ^_^;;; Toonies are so pretty, and they're worth two bucks. (or about $1.60 American) And they're both silver and gold, as if to say "Im such a badass coin that I get to be both second AND first place!" ^_~
Posted by Lex @ 06/01/2002 12:45 AM EST
"Moosey moosey moosey! Beeeeeeaver!" That's my new favourite expression. I love toonies. I also like the new five dollar bill. Americans already make fun of us, let's just give them more fodder. :P We're like the kids in school who've accepted the fact they'll never be jocks, so we concentrate on being ourselves instead. I miss the old ten dollar bill, though, with the osprey on it. I can just barely remember the bills that even predated those. The first time I saw an osprey ten, I was at Wasaga Beach helping the cabins' owners run their parking lot. The woman in charge told the two guys who handed her the bill, "We don't take fake money." ;)
Posted by Red Draco @ 06/01/2002 09:47 AM EST
Baugh. Just got back from Toronto and noticed that instead of the loonie, I got the version of their dollar coin that just has a bunch of stupid guys standing around on it. Anybody seen the 2001 Canadian dime yet? Has a bunch of sillouettes and 'Year of the Volunteer' on it instead of the ship. And the toonie's kinda ugly by me. The gold bit in the middle corrodes faster than the silver bit, so it looks funky.
Posted by G.S. @ 06/01/2002 11:56 PM EST
You know, onesies are better as tinder than as currency. I've not seen a one dollar bill older than, oh, 1996, in the last year. They get put through hell, and then the government wastes more taxpayer money to print replacements.
At least it's not Filipino money, or, worse, Argentinian money. O_O
Posted by Carlos @ 06/06/2002 09:22 PM EST
I remember the old Canuckian currency, namely, the one and two dollar bills. Cool bills! I remember when they took them out of circulation, I was sick and needed a cab. A cab ride in TO was more than the 3 dollars I had in bills, but the cabbie took me anyway. He wanted my paper money.
Posted by Sheerlyevil @ 06/08/2002 10:50 PM EST
