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04/15/2002 Entry: "Semi-Rebellion."

SIX SEMI-REBELLIOUS THINGS I THOUGHT ABOUT DOING TODAY:
1). Balling up the candy wrapper in my pocket and beaning the slowpoke customer in front of me with it. Damn you, woman, I want my coffee now. Ignore my biological imperative at your own risk!
2). Trying to work the phrase 'multiple lecherous bishounen' into my order at the Chinese restaurant. Decided that the waiter would probably misunderstand and bring me beef with broccoli. A good thing, but not quite the rampant orgy I had in mind.
3). Shoving a rude teenaged girl into a shelf full of SF books as she sniffed and flounced by. She was skinny. I bet I could have gotten her airborne without too much trouble. All I really would have needed to do was get my shoulder up under her ribcage.
4). Purchasing a dirt-cheap gas-guzzling beater of a car, solely for the pleasure of ramming it into my neighbor's brand-new gigantic red pickup over and over again until both cars were completely dead. God damn you, neighbor, if you must buy a cherry-red penile extension, at least learn to park it decently. Penile extensions do no one any good unless you can insert them between the clearly marked lines, so to speak.
5). Walking up to a random stranger who seemed to be emanating lecherous brainwaves in my large-breasted direction, thrusting my chest out, and screaming "THESE ARE MY TITS!... AND THEY HATE YOU!"
6). Going through Boyfriend's Vagrant Story savegame and renaming all of Ashley's weapons to appropriately suggestive things. Like, say, 'Penile Extension', or 'Compensating For Something'. Or 'Ball of Steel'. Or 'Big Prick'. The crossbow would have to be 'Premature Ejaculation', I think.

ONE SEMI-REBELLIOUS THING I ACTUALLY DID DO TODAY:
1). Changed my bio on the pit of voles to something egotistical. That happens to rhyme.

All in all, I think my fantasy life is more fun. But my real life involves fewer nights spent in jail.

Replies: add your comment: currently 9 comments

You're so cute, Mooncalf, I want to eat you and your hateful boobs~

Posted by Glass @ 04/15/2002 11:54 AM EST

"THESE ARE MY TITS! AND THEY HATE YOU!!"
Beautiful. Can I use this next time I have to wait at the 6th & Colorado bus stop?

Posted by Big Big Truck @ 04/15/2002 12:37 PM EST

You are amazing, and as wonderful as your wonderful fics. Thank you very much for blogging. : D

Posted by Twig @ 04/16/2002 12:41 AM EST

I think 'THESE ARE MY TITS AND THEY HATE YOU' would make a /great/ t-shirt.

Posted by Ashlea @ 04/16/2002 10:12 AM EST

I'd buy that t-shirt, only I haven't got the boobs to go with it.

Right now I'm trying to figure out whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Posted by Chi @ 04/16/2002 11:21 AM EST

LOL Yes, I also loved the part about your....breasts. And that would make a great t-shirt. For women, of course. You really should have done that!! LOL

Posted by Wolf @ 04/16/2002 05:21 PM EST

Gender Equity:
How about women that choose to wear terribly uncomplimentary revealing clothing then? Should I get a T-shirt that says "YOUR TITS SHOULD LURK-A, IN A BURQA"?

Hyperbole:
And how about crotch and bum starers? You can't rest until you've covered every single erogenous zone! God forbid that anyone should ever have a salacious personal thought! Someone call the mental Gestapo!

Mediation:
But yes, staring IS rude. Still, if you don't want people to sexualise you, perhaps the best thing to do is to wear a shirt covered with nude pictures of Roseanne. Or take the burqa.

Posted by Dar @ 04/16/2002 10:09 PM EST

I dunno, 'THIS IS MY ASS AND IT HATES YOU' would look pretty good on a pair of cargo shorts, too.

I'm just full of entrepreneurial zeal lately! I should probably see a doctor about that.

Posted by Ashlea @ 04/17/2002 12:35 AM EST

Wow. Now I know where all my semi-rebellious thoughts come from. They are BEING PROJECTED FROM MOONCALF'S HEAD! I'm like a big old radar dish...uh huh yeah. Some people call it a radar dish, but I call it a slingblade.. uh huh yeah.

Posted by Sheerlyevil @ 04/17/2002 10:42 PM EST