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03/02/2002 Entry: "Of The Awefull Battle Of The Boys And The Slashfangirls."

Of The Awefull Battle Of The Boys And The Slashfangirls
(Together With Some Account Of The Participation Of The Trolls And The Newbies, And The Intervention Of The Great Moderator, And A Great Big Honking Apology To The Memory Of T.S. Eliot)

The fanboys and fangirls, as everyone knows,
Are lecherous passionate RPG foes;
It is always the same, wherever one goes.
And the Trolls and the Newbies, whatever they say,
Are more than happy to join in the fray,
Their only reason their voice to display...
And they
      scream flame growl hiss
      scream flame GROWL HISS
   Until they have drowned out the whole BBS!

Now on the occasion of which I shall speak,
There'd been no flame war for almost a week
(But don't make the mistake of thinking them meek!)
The Volunteer Mod couldn't take any more
(I don't know the reason, but most people think
That the last stupid flamewar drove her to drink)
And so no one at all was holding the floor
When the first slashfangirl slipped through the door.
Her first post was simple, her second said more,
And then up spoke a fanboy, an acknowledged boor,
And they
      scream flame growl hiss
      scream flame GROWL HISS
   Until they had drowned out the whole BBS!

Now all those fanboys, they travel in packs
And support each other if their argument lacks,
And so all the fanboys, they leapt to the boor's aid
And the slashfangirl they did loudly upbraid,
And promptly ignored all the points that she made.
And together they started to troll and to flame
So that no single fanboy would absorb all the blame.
But a terrible row is what slashfangirls like!
And as soon as the fanboys had called one a dyke,
Out they all poured to make posts by the ton
And start a battle that just couldn't be won.
With their brave warcry 'don't like it, don't look'
They made each poor thread the length of a book...
Then the Trolls and the Newbies entered the fray,
Some posting by night, some posting by day
Joined in
To the din
With a
      scream flame growl hiss
      scream flame GROWL HISS
   Until they had drowned out the whole BBS!

Their insults were as sharp as gladiator's trident
Their flames, they were roasting, their voices were strident
And some of the regulars were so badly annoyed
They abandoned the board that they once enjoyed
When suddenly, and better sooner than later,
Up from HTML stalked... the Great Moderator.
His answer was lengthy and vicious and long,
He made a great post and his points, they were strong.
He silenced the fanboys and fangirls alike
In one great swooping unmerciful strike.
And those who were left in the harsh glare of morning
Gazed over the rubble, and boy, they took warning.
The Moderator yawned and he went back to sleep...
And the boys and slashfangirls, they scattered. Like sheep.

And when Volunteer Mod returned, clutching her head,
There wasn't a single one left in the thread.

Replies: add your comment: currently 19 comments

...I really, really love you, Moo.

Posted by Ashlea @ 03/02/2002 01:57 AM EST

Did you ever know that you're my hero?

Posted by AJ @ 03/02/2002 03:23 AM EST

...You are amazing.

Posted by Quezzie @ 03/02/2002 04:53 AM EST

Moo? Marry me?

Posted by D @ 03/02/2002 04:59 AM EST

I'll never be able to look at that poem or hear the song the same way again. *evil laugh* I'm in a parody writing mood now.

Posted by Tiffany @ 03/02/2002 10:45 AM EST

.../wow/. Damn, you're cool.

Posted by harpy @ 03/02/2002 11:53 AM EST

Brilliant, Moonie. I would have loved to see the Great Moderator's post. Which board was it, anyway?

Posted by Tamerine @ 03/02/2002 07:24 PM EST

...

...

...

... I love you so much, Moo.

Posted by Suze @ 03/02/2002 08:44 PM EST

...You're so spiffy, Moo! *stands, applauding*

Posted by Bonnie @ 03/02/2002 11:46 PM EST

... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH! j00 are now my hero for the day, mooncalf. XDDDDD .... HAHAHAHAHAHA! */me goes to show it to other #y folk...*

Posted by benimaru @ 03/03/2002 12:58 PM EST

*applauds* I so totally approve.

Posted by Carlos @ 03/03/2002 02:53 PM EST

LOL

Yup, you really nailed it again. It's all so true. It's like you saw something I witnessed in real life and wrote it down! That's why it's sheer genius!

Posted by Wolf @ 03/03/2002 10:39 PM EST

BEAUTIFUL.

Posted by Big Big Truck @ 03/04/2002 11:07 AM EST

... oh man. That was absolutely brilliant. Curse you, Moonie! You can even be gloriously insightful in rhyme!

Posted by Lex @ 03/04/2002 10:12 PM EST

...

Oh man, I can *hear* this being sung. Should I be traumatized or laugh my head off?

...

:D :D :D :D :D

Posted by Crying Sailor @ 03/04/2002 10:16 PM EST

Blog on Mooncalf...Blog on....

Posted by Cloud12287 @ 03/04/2002 10:44 PM EST

That was awesomely outrageous. My blogs are just thankless bitching.

Posted by Red Draco @ 03/05/2002 04:13 AM EST

Fun to read in an epic-poemy British voice AND in a silly gadfly British voice. I give it eight and a half stars!

Posted by Shax @ 03/07/2002 10:54 PM EST

What a loverly tribute.. so moving so... so... very very funny! I really liked that! Brilliant!

Posted by Sheerlyevil @ 03/10/2002 11:09 PM EST