Ahem.
In other less metaphorical words, I like to go read really bad fanfic occasionally because it's fun to make myself scream and shudder. Like going to a horror movie!
Plus I've discovered that reading really bad fanfic tends to inspire me to write my own (hopefully less horrid) fanfic, if only to clear my mind of the vole-ishness.
And that, ladies and gentlebeasts, is why I like the pit of voles.
Replies: add your comment: currently 24 comments
I used to do that with the Anipike's art links. Most of them are TERRIBLE. And man, there's nothing like a couple hundred godawful fanart pages on Geocities to make you feel like maybe you ought to draw.
Posted by Ed @ 02/07/2002 10:08 AM EST
I live (in the net-bound sense) on the "Okay, so it's bad, maybe it's REALLY bad, but it's not THAT bad" philosophy. 'Course, to someone else I probably am their "THAT bad". It's a neverending chain of people feeling glad they're not each other. Anyhow, yes, FFN can be amusing, no question of that.
Posted by StB @ 02/07/2002 12:27 PM EST
Last night, D and I were bopping about on Rupert. She got the hiccups. I threw out the concept of Agent Smith/Neo slash to scare them out of her. It worked. Hell, I scared myself.
And then I just had to crawl the Pit of Voles looking to see what sort of evil lurked in the Matrix section. Shitloads of Neo/Trinity. Metric screaming shitloads of bad self-inserts. And...yes. Only one fic, thank God, but it was there. D had to fdisk my brain for me. No, I didn't read it.
Posted by chaobell @ 02/07/2002 12:46 PM EST
Man, you didn't *read* it?
There was a minute of silence as Smith stepped back, and leaning on the edge of the table with his arms crossed, regarded him
disinterestedly. Then, as if he had made up his mind about something, he removed his own earpiece and tucked it into the inside
pocket of his jacket.
“So what about these tests?” asked Neo again.
“Originally we intended to use a variety of sensory stimuli, but your recent behaviour has suggested an alternative course, and we have
determined that sexual stimulation would give the quickest results.”
He blanched. “What do you mean?”
“I noticed that earlier today, you became sexually aroused when I was cutting open your shirt.”
“What? I was not fucking aroused!”
Smith shrugged. “I am not mistaken. Your pupils dilated, your respiration increased, and I detected a visible increase in the
tumescence of your penis. Homosexuality is not a moral issue for us, so you need not be ashamed of it. If you prefer, I can assume a
female body for the purpose of these tests, but I think that the judicious application of the correct stimuli will be sufficient for our
purposes.”
Taking off his shades, and putting them away in another pocket, Smith walked over to him, bent and kissed him on the mouth.
Confused, Neo froze, then attempted to endure the kiss without showing the slightest sign of emotion. He was relieved to find that
apart from the firm pressure and heat of the agent’s mouth, and the electric contact of his hand where it rested lightly on the back of
his neck, it might have been his 70-year-old landlady kissing him.
Just as Neo began to think he could handle it, Smith swept the tip of his tongue over his lower lip. The unexpected sensuality of it
startled him. Alarmed, he tried to pull back, but the agent took his head in his hands, and increased the intensity of the kiss: eyes
closed, totally focussed, gently insistent. Neo realised he was growing quickly and painfully hard, and when Smith grazed his lip lightly
again and took advantage of Neo’s surprised gasp to dart his tongue into his mouth, he was horrified to feel his penis jerk in his pants.
He let out a muffled cry of protest.
Posted by AJ @ 02/07/2002 01:35 PM EST
A muffled cry of protest? I think I just had one of those from my stomach after reading that! Excuse me... I gotta dash...
Posted by JohnnyBoy @ 02/07/2002 02:24 PM EST
Thought #1: At my end of the space/time continuum (yeah, I think that's spelled right) I'm reading thru Ms. Moon's latest blog entry on my lunch hour. Now, thanks to Chaobell and AJ, I'll have the mental image of Keanu Reeves being molested kicking around my brain. So much for lunch. GET OUTTA MY HEAD, MAN! :)
Thought #2: Now, now! I don't think you have to bash every story on the pit of volds...um...I mean ff.net. There really is a decent amount of GOOD fic there. Read Chendzeea Li's "Frozen" (in the FF8 section) or anything posted by Telanu or Darth Yoshi. You won't feel an urge to slice your wrists afterwards. I promise
Posted by Ghituslinger @ 02/07/2002 02:32 PM EST
Orgh. Bad AJ. Bad.
And believe me, I know that there's good fic on the pit of voles. I've found a lot of stuff that I actually like, and several authors that I actively follow. But, you know, if you want crapfic... there it is, handfuls of it, all neatly organized for your convenience.
Plus, what's a blog entry without an unfair generalization?
Posted by Mooncalf @ 02/07/2002 02:54 PM EST
LOL! I have no problems with unfair generalizations, Ms. Moon. (Hell, I'm the master!)
P.S. It's suppertime as I type this. My appetite is still gone. I will never watch "The Matrix" again! :)
Posted by Ghituslinger @ 02/07/2002 06:56 PM EST
To: AJ
Re: Yer comment
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
Boom shanka,
The baby Neo
Posted by chaobell @ 02/08/2002 01:25 AM EST
Ugh. That bit of fic... was disturbing. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR DESTROYING MY SANITY! *sobs*
Posted by Nathan @ 02/08/2002 04:21 AM EST
To quote a friend, "It's like when you smell something bad, and then smell it again just to assure yourself that you don't smell that bad."
... I don't write fanfic, and when I read fics with OC/MS/AU once in a blue moon at the pit, it's for the sake of a good, much needed ego-wank/laugh/eye-gouging fest. Imagine me, sitting at the computer, laughing insanely at the general incompetence of people and banging my head on the computer at the same time.
Yes, I love the pit of voles.
Posted by Chi @ 02/08/2002 04:39 AM EST
Who's Mary Sue? Sounds like quite a lady...
Posted by Wolf @ 02/08/2002 01:32 PM EST
I think Mary Sue is the title of an old Buddy Holly song. "Mary Sue, Mary Sue, don't you know that I love you, my Mary Sue, Maaaaaary Sue!"
Posted by Ghituslinger @ 02/08/2002 01:59 PM EST
Happily, there is now a vast collection of Mary Sue information online. Google even has a category for her.
Posted by AJ @ 02/08/2002 06:25 PM EST
Naaah, that's PEGGY Sue. Either way, now I have various Weezer songs stuck in my head. Thanks.
I just need to avoid the vole pit labeled "Harry Potter"...but most of those voles have moved over to FictionAlley, leaving only the most twisted variety at the original pit.
Posted by Meril @ 02/08/2002 07:25 PM EST
Mmm... voles.
Mooncalf, I love you. No, really. I've used your Mary Sue essay four times now to illustrate to a friend just what a 'Mary Sue' is.
And somehow, the idea of Agent Smith/Neo slash does nothing more to me than make me curl my upper lip in disgust.
Thank you, voles, you have successfully and utterly desensitized my brain to disturbing slash.
(Hey.. what am I doing here?)
Posted by Maggoctopus @ 02/09/2002 12:11 AM EST
It's probably a sign of how many bad slash crossovers I've read, but all I could think of, reading AJ's comment, was Elrond's elfhood molesting Neo.
Sadly, I've been so desensitized to disturbing slash that it takes something like incest or similar to get to me.
Posted by Felicity @ 02/09/2002 12:22 PM EST
On the contrary, that will make The Matrix just entertaining enough to be worth suffering through next time the housemates watch it. "What in hell are you snickering about?" "Nothing..."
Posted by StB @ 02/09/2002 01:21 PM EST
Glad I could be of service. If you're looking for something squickier, there's some weird torture stuff earlier on in the same fic.
Posted by AJ @ 02/10/2002 10:50 AM EST
Ohhhh no thanks, that's more than enough.
Though that reminds me, what does "squicky" mean nowadays, anyway? I first heard that "squick" was slang for female masturbation, but it seems to have changed meanings since then...? I think.
Posted by StB @ 02/11/2002 09:25 AM EST
I best heard it described as, and I'm paraphrasing heavily, "a term BDSM types use to indicate that they're not into something without offending those who are". Obviously, that was in the context of BDSM, but it's more or less applicable here.
Posted by AJ @ 02/12/2002 04:21 AM EST
Boy. Okay. Historically, 'squicking' is -- I am not making this up -- the gentle and noble art of skullfucking. Yes, through an eyesocket or what have you.
Eventually, it got adopted to mean 'anything that makes me squirm and wince, particularly in smut'. Like, one would assume, historical squicking makes most people squirm and wince.
Posted by Mooncalf @ 02/12/2002 10:14 AM EST
Ah, okay... that's about what I guessed (the "stuff you're not into" part). The definition I heard must just be a coincidence; it was onomotopoeic (sort of). Thanks. Vocab word of the day! Erm...
Posted by StB @ 02/12/2002 10:34 AM EST
And at long last, the true etymology of "squick".
That IS squicky. =p
Posted by Carlos @ 02/13/2002 02:25 AM EST
