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01/14/2002 Entry: "Things I Never Ever Expected To Say Ever."

WARNING: The following entry is sick, wrong, pointless, disgusting, stupid, kinky, overtly sexual in nature, and minorly spoilerific for FF8, and as such should probably not be read by anyone. Thank you, drive through.

So.

My friend-on-crack Suze showed me this page, full of fancy metal... buttplugs... from France.

I'll pause here a moment so that those three brave souls who have read this far can scream and run.

Now, then. If you load up that page, which contains no nudity but should under no circumstances be viewed where anyone else can see you, and scroll halfway down, you'll see a buttplug that has an external end shaped like a lion's head. I can only assume that when the buttplug is in use, the lion's head is poking out in a decorative manner.

So, of course, we were all scrolling through this page and smirking at it. And every time I saw that lion-head, I would just bust out laughing.

I think you see where this is going.

All together now: 'Griever!'

The image of Squall wearing nothing but a Griever-head buttplug is almost as wrong as, say, the image of Ashton Anchors with... wait, I've already written that fic. Ahem.

And, you know, it makes Ultimecia's line about 'I shall now junktion myself unto Griever' a whole lot worse.

And, equally, as my friend Sarah pointed out, the line 'Griever! Make them bleed!'

Cough. I'm off to wash my brain with soap now. And Sarah's with Lysol.

Replies: add your comment: currently 7 comments

Personally, I liked the Baby Jesus buttplug the best...

Posted by Juunigou @ 01/15/2002 12:17 AM EST

The "rosebud" one makes me think of Citizen Kane. I see a porno in the making...

Citizen Flame: Industrious gay porno filmmaker Whoreson Wells dies in his mansion Xanadu (which just sounds totally gay anyway), speaking a single word: "Rosebud." In an attempt to figure out the meaning of the word, a young reporter screws his way through Well's personal life and aquaintances only to find out that "Rosebud" was none other than a decorative buttplug. Considered to be one of the best gay porns ever filmmed, this film will leave you with the feeling: "Yeah...so?"

Posted by Teri @ 01/15/2002 01:06 AM EST

Dude.

At least now we know why Squall always looks so constipated.

Whee.

Posted by Chibix @ 01/15/2002 05:49 AM EST

Ah yes, the Ghitu has returned! As usual, I'll be the first one to speak the obvious. :) Someone break out the drums, here comes the punchline:

"No one Squall acts like there's something up his ass!"

Ba da dum!

Thank you, thank you! You've been a wonderful audience, good night! (quickly exists stage left)

Posted by Ghituslinger @ 01/15/2002 08:32 AM EST

Thanks for the FF8 mental image - it reassures me that I'm not, in fact, the most twisted person out there.

Tee-hee. Lion's head.

Be even funnier if it had a ring in its mouth, like an old-fashioned door knocker.

OK, I'll stop.

Posted by Big Big Truck @ 01/15/2002 10:13 AM EST

Um. *looks disturbed*

Posted by Nathan @ 01/16/2002 02:48 PM EST

AAHHHH you've found my favourite Website!

Posted by SheerlyEvil @ 01/21/2002 08:22 PM EST