And now for something completely fuckin' different:
DUMB THINGS I'VE DONE LATELY:
Going to Mall-Wart, at 8pm, on Saturday, December 1st.
What in the fuck was I thinking? Nothing destroys your day more than being smothered to death by crap-crazed Christmas consumers, unless it's having to listen to Snoozac carols being played at a volume somewhere between 'somnolent' and 'piercing'.
Every year I hate it more and more, seeing people waste money on, say, those cheap-looking but pre-wrapped 'gift packs' of crappy bargain-basement cosmetics. You know, the sort of thing you buy because you feel obligated to present something to a person you neither know very well nor like very much, but because the Machine is currently chewing on your head, you get them that cheesy 4-pack of moisturizer in the lame plastic zipper-bag and feel not happiness but relief.
One less goddamn present I gotta buy, and boy do my feet hurt, and if I have to spend one more minute listening to some boyband sing 'Up On The Housetop' I'm gonna puke...
Oh yes! All hail the true spirit of Christmas! Well, after you're about, oh, twelve.
Sigh. I'm not exactly trying to rant against consumerism here, because I know from experience that the money made off the Christmas season is how a lot of little shops manage to stay open. And I like buying truly appropriate presents, for people that I truly love. As opposed to, say, co-workers and distant relatives and so forth.
And boy howdy am I not going to rant about how we're 'missing the true spirit of Christmas'. I hate that shit. And there's nothing I could possibly say about the subject that hasn't been said a million times, except perhaps 'nyar blah weeeeoop mayonnaise', so I just won't.
No, it's the frenzy that disturbs and exhausts me. Unfortunately, we were out of toilet paper, and I kind of like being able to wipe my ass when I need to. I know, I'm funny that way. So it was either off to Mall-Wart with me or learn to use leaves, and I may be a grouchy Scroogey bitch but I'm also a thoroughly civilized grouchy Scroogey bitch. So.
Some of you who read this blog will be getting a Christmas present from me, in all probability. (Hi Dad!) I can promise you two things, though. One, I really really must like you if I bothered to get my shit together enough to select something for you. And two, whatever I do buy you? It's damn well not coming from Mall-Wart.
Replies: add your comment: currently 4 comments
"Nyar blah weeeeoop mayonnaise true spirit of christmas!"
Sounds like something Happy Noodle Boy would say.
Keep it up, Moon (the bloggings, that is; NOT going to Mall Wart anytime between halloween and new year's).
Posted by Duo Maxwell @ 12/01/2001 07:42 PM EST
*grunt*whistle*bang stones together*slap forehead*Christmas*
If I go near a Mall-Wart between now and December 25th, poke me in the eye. With a stick.
And civilized people can use leaves too! Just watch out for poison ivy.
Posted by chaobell @ 12/02/2001 12:26 AM EST
I was in the bookstore in the mall yesterday. The mall was crouded but the bookstore was, of course, deserted. -_-
I usually avoid wal mart year round because there's always some 400 pound woman in a see-through moomoo, not wearing a bra. And then there's the drunk men, who are usually missing teeth, who like to hit on anyone as long as they look remoteley underaged.
Posted by Celes @ 12/02/2001 03:38 PM EST
Hi Mooncalf!
I am really looking for to receiving another one of those weird novels by obscure authors I have never heard of. Bah!Humbug!
(j/k or not j/k, that is the question)
Posted by Father Moon @ 12/02/2001 04:38 PM EST
