WARNING: Pissy and editorial in nature.
Those of us in nearby cars are LAUGHING AT YOU.
Oh, not the poor guy in the car directly ahead of yours. You know, the car your car kept nearly sodomizing in your quest to prove your manliness. But the rest of us? We were laughing at your lousy driving skills. We were glancing at each other out of the corners of our eyes and making comments about the miniscule dick you must be compensating for. We were shaking our heads and saying things about 'testosterone poisoning', 'congenital immaturity', and 'subnormal IQ'.
We were not impressed with your machismo.
We were not frightened by the puffing of your feathers.
We were not convinced that you were a sex machine. Quite the opposite; nothing says 'I have not gotten laid in years' like squealing tires.
We were LAUGHING at you. LAUGHING.
And we were laughing at the TINY WHITE BOY DICK we now know you HAVE.
I don't think that's the effect you were aiming for.
Learn to drive. While you're at it, learn to act like a human being instead of a testosterone victim. Maybe you'd get laid more.
Replies: add your comment: currently 12 comments
...you just described pretty much all of the guys at my school.
HOW STRANGE.
Posted by Shinji da voodoodoll @ 11/25/2001 08:13 PM EST
"the car your car kept nearly sodomizing."
*laughing REALLY hard* That just saved my otherwise miserable day. My, what pleasant mental imagery. *snorts*
Posted by Chibix @ 11/26/2001 01:46 AM EST
You know, I've realized in the past few months that every single car with a driver like that -- and I do mean every single car -- has an American flag prominently displayed somewhere on the vehicle.
Makes it easy to figure out who to avoid...
Posted by D @ 11/26/2001 10:55 AM EST
.....
Can you feel the love here? j/k
Seriously, I know what you mean, Moon, and I applaude you. Heh. I think guys like that give my entire sex a bad name and I hate it... But don't let thjat fool you; of course, not all guys are like this. It is unfortunate that ANY are, though.... >_<
Posted by Wolf @ 11/26/2001 12:45 PM EST
Hey! I drive like that!
©©©
But I do it in a beat up 1976 Ford hatchback©
©©©
And only because I deliver pizza©
Posted by Lack Thereof @ 11/27/2001 02:30 AM EST
lol... my god, those people DID overrun the town I grew up in. Blech. Unfortunately not enough of them get naturally selected out of the gene pool by darting in front of cars on their bikes as children... -_-
Posted by StB @ 11/27/2001 09:45 AM EST
I've actually not had that problem. What I do get a lot is irate soccer moms in SUVs approximately the size of a gray whale with an American flag on the window or antenna... tailgating me. In my Saturn, which is about the size of a pomeranian.
So I look in my rearview mirror and see the Ford logo.
Tailgaters are at least fun and easy to deal with, though. All you do is slow down to the speed limit (...NO ONE in upstate NY drives the speed limit. NO. ONE.) and refuse to go a mile an hour faster until they go away. I like doing that entirely too much.
Posted by Ed @ 11/27/2001 11:29 AM EST
You forgot about the exhaust. Every piss-poor car like that HAS to have an exhaust the size of a chrom-y sewer pipe, sound like a jet engine flying at 600 mph when it's accelerating from zero to fifteen. In a supermarket parking lot. Feel that manliness. Woo.
Posted by Soowhan @ 11/28/2001 11:21 AM EST
Obligatory gripe: not everyone with an American flag on his or her car is an asshole.
My dad comes up with amusing and potentially workable ways to piss people off who deserve it in traffic. His last brainstorm: hook up a switch on the steering wheel that would turn the brake lights on, possibly triggering some widget that could play back a recording of screeching tires, to discourage tailgaters. I can see this working. I can also see it getting him shot in this part of town, but. :)
Posted by chaobell @ 11/28/2001 11:31 AM EST
You know what I say EVERY TIME somebody does something like that?
In a flat voice : "I am very impressed. I am glad that your manhood has been affirmed."
It never fails to make everyone around me laugh at the stupid creature. ^_^
Posted by Evil_Quistis @ 11/29/2001 12:32 PM EST
All too true, Moon. I also find that in most cases, the size of a man's truck is directly related to the size of his dick. The bigger one gets, the smaller the other gets.
But I'm sure we've all noticed by now.
It's people like that that bring shame on our noble, albeit porcine, half of the species.
...Yeah.
Posted by Duo Maxwell @ 11/30/2001 09:39 PM EST
Hmm... Crap driver. Exhaust that sounds like it has been replaced by a coffee can.
Truly this phenomenon is international.
Posted by Johnny @ 12/07/2001 07:40 AM EST
