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11/22/2001 Entry: "Another Bit Of Snideness About Energy Drinks."

I went to the grocery store yesterday, and eventually found myself staring at their rather limited selection of 'energy drinks', which I love for their unabashed worship of caffeine (so much like my own -- oh caffeine, how I venerate thee).

And now I have proof: Americans are dingbats.

Here's the proof:
Most new products get test-marketed and surveyed to death, right? Well, when this kind of energy drink was being introduced, someone probably wrote a survey question much like the following:
I would like the name of my energy drink to remind me of:
a). Sun, exercise, sports (Hi-Power, NRG, Smash)
b). Powerful animals (Red Bull, Black Dog)
c). Danger, excitement, energy (red alert, XTZ, Blackwater, Jolt)
d). Nothing relevant, really (Bawls, Water Joe, Penguin)
e). An incredibly lethal fluid that can kill an adult human in seconds (Venom)

And there were enough dingbat Americans who answered that question with 'e', because I found a can of energy drink named 'Venom' at the grocery store today.

Of course I bought some. You think I could pass up an opportunity like that? I guess at heart I'm a dingbat too...

(About half the names in the 'question' above are from real energy and otherwise high-caffeine drinks. About half of them, I made up. Just so you know.)

Replies: add your comment: currently 9 comments

Nezumi believes this is all good evidence that the world is ready for a drink named "Frothy Botulism".

Posted by Nezumi @ 11/22/2001 07:50 AM EST

My caffeine-junkie boyfriend had bought a bottle of Bawls. He plunked it in my lap as he started up his car.

I stared at him. He blinked at me in confusion.

I shrieked, "GET YOUR BAWLS OFF MY LEG, PERVERT!"

And there was much laughter.

Needless to say, that drink is ruined for me.

Posted by Yscaldine @ 11/22/2001 12:36 PM EST

Ever heard of Whoop Ass? It's one of those energy drinks that I've only seen sold at rest stops. Might be a popular trucker drink. Even though friends have compared the taste to urine, how can anyone pass up the chance to open up a can of Whoop Ass?

...just thought I'd share.

Posted by Catherine @ 11/22/2001 12:50 PM EST

'Black Dog'...do I detect a Led Zeppelin reference??
Even though most energy drinks cause my taste buds to dissolve, I couldn't resist the urge to mention that.
ZEPPELIN RULES!

Posted by Duo Maxwell @ 11/22/2001 06:50 PM EST

Mmmm....Venom..... :3

Posted by Wolf @ 11/22/2001 07:16 PM EST

'About half of them, I made up.' You mean I _can't_ get my mid-morning caffeine kick from a can o Penguin? What a missed opportunity!

Posted by Jonny @ 11/23/2001 04:12 AM EST

Whoop Ass - yep, I've had it. It tastes bizarrely like those Flintstones kids' vitamins. O_o Scary.

Posted by StB @ 11/23/2001 05:57 AM EST

Nope, but you CAN get your mid-morning caffeine kick from a tin of Penguin Caffeinated Peppermints!
Which I suppose you could dissolve in Sprite if you were desperate to drink them...

Posted by Mooncalf @ 11/23/2001 12:29 PM EST

Try dropping your Penguin Caffinated mints (I LOVE these things, so much I wrote a fanfic in which they were the major plot device) in a bottle of Bawls. Caffine RUSH!

Posted by Evil_Quistis @ 11/23/2001 04:02 PM EST