[Previous entry: "The Concept of Home, or Sentimental Mush."] [Main Index] [Next entry: "A Really, Really Boring Entry."]

10/03/2001 Entry: "Mmm, Frothy Botulism!"

There was this plastic bottle of fruit smoothie in the fridge. Terribly organic and natural and yummy and good for me, or it would have been if I had drunk it the day I bought it. Two weeks ago.

But since it was so terribly organic and preservative-free, when I pulled the bottle out of the fridge tonight, it was swollen to a vaguely spherical shape that screamed 'botulism'. The thick gooey liquids inside had all separated. I could feel the bottle ticking like a time bomb in my hands. So I got rid of it the only way I knew how: I drank it!

No, no, seriously, I threw the bottle into the garbage can. Gross, man. And then I went back downstairs.

Half an hour later, I was sitting in front of the computer when I heard a loud explosion from upstairs. I thought the cat had knocked something off the table; that's usually what it is... but no. As the swollen bottle warmed up to room temperature, the contents tried to expand some more, and there was just nowhere else to go...

BOOM.

Pinkish-purple botulistic froth all over the walls and floor. Frothy botulism dripping down the inside of the trash can. Little pinkish-purple spots all over the kitchen island, all over my purse and my copy of Gormenghast...

I laughed myself silly, of course. And wouldn't Frothy Botulism be a great name for a band?

Replies: add your comment: currently 7 comments

*finally stops laughing*
*picks self off floor*

Ahem.

While Nezumi tries to recover a little of his composure, he is reminded of the time he made the old SCA recipe of Ruin. Which is to say buying a bargain-basement wine making kit and ruining it. Usually by adding a lot of extra sugar and flavours to the mix that weren't intended to be there.
So Nezumi made Strawberry Ruin. And he wasn't a very experienced winemaker, so he chose a relatively warm place to store the bottles. And used tapered corks. And didn't take into account just how much extra sugar crushed fresh strawberries added to the mix.
Do you have any /idea/ how hard it is to clean 3/4 of a bottle of strawberry wine off your ceiling when you're laughing your ass off?

And as usual, many thanks to Mistress Moo for making Nezumi's day, yet again. =)

Posted by Nezumi @ 10/03/2001 09:17 AM EST

...I'd try and make a coherent comment...but I'm too busy laughing...XD
Let's hear it for the Frothy Botulism! O,o

Posted by Quezzie @ 10/03/2001 10:25 AM EST

LOL!!!!

I don't mean to laugh at your misfortune, Moon, but damn, that IS funny!! LOL Now I know how to make a VERY deadly weapon! ^_' I learned from the master!

Posted by Wolf @ 10/03/2001 04:46 PM EST

Once I was making pancakes. I make them from scratch. With real buttermilk.

Our mixer has two bowls. A big one and a little one. They nest. This particular day, I was not wearing my glasses, and so did not notice that the little bowl was in the small bowl. I did notice that the bowl seemed rather full, but thought nothing of it.

When I got done stuffing ingredients in the bowl, I plugged in the mixer. ...which had, somehow, been unplugged with the speed switch pushed to max. The top dropped down and zoomed around the nested bowls, flinging flour and buttermilk all over the kitchen... except for an Ed-shaped clean spot.

I, of course, was covered from head to toe in pancake batter.

My mom thought this was the funniest thing in the world... until she started discovering dried, caked splatters two weeks later.

Posted by Ed @ 10/03/2001 09:46 PM EST

My god, Moon. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. I didn't think fruit juice would explode like that. I know a lot of other people who would've shrieked and complained about the mess instead of being amused by it.

Posted by Lesath @ 10/03/2001 11:35 PM EST

Back when I were poor and firstly married, my (now-ex) husband and I decided to save some money and can our own kidney beans. Since we were experimenting with vegetarianism at the time, our diet largely consisted of beans, rice and some kind of vegatable. So we bought a case of Ball jars and a huge bag of kidney beans, soaked 'em, cooked em and jarred 'em up.

They way canning works is when you put the hot stuff in the jar and seal it, it cools, thereby vacuum sealing your contents. SCIENCE!!!

But just shortly after midnight, I bolted out of bed to the sound of a very loud "POP!" I walked cautiously into the kitchen to see what was the matter, when I heard another "POP!" The lids were exploding off the jars, since I had never taken into account the gas that is released when you can beans.

Oops.

"Pop!" "Pop!" "Pop!" Nine jars of them in all, and one after another exploding like a room full of rat traps suddenly being triggered, and everywhere, kidney beans raining down inside my kitchen.

I'm not a vegetarian anymore.

~Teri

Posted by Teri @ 10/04/2001 05:08 PM EST

Band names...

Hmmmm. How about "Frothy Botulism and the Plague Rats"? *giggles*

Posted by Nathan @ 10/06/2001 11:52 AM EST