Tonight, when we went out to dinner, the hostess who seated us had a rather unfortunate condition. Don't get me wrong, she was pretty, young, slender, blonde, and zit-free, but she had one of those utterly annoying high-pitched squealy eight-year-old voices. The kind of voice that tells people "please, don't take me seriously". Or "I hope you will ignore the silly things that come out of my mouth. Oopsie!"
The same part of my brain that is horrified and disgusted by children reacts snappishly to squealy-girls. I know she can't help it. I mean, I hope she can't help it. If she developed that "please beat me Daddy I'm a bad little girl" voice deliberately, well, I gotta kill her. It works for Betty Boop, but she's a hydrocephalic flapper and you're not.
But some people just have squeaky voices and that's that. Alas.
Whatever else I may have been blessed/cursed with genetically, I am the owner of a reasonably pleasant contralto voice. (Actually, I sing tenor, just like Roger Waters. o/~ I have become... comfortably numb... o/~)
Unfortunately, I am AWARE that I have a vaguely pleasant voice, as this FAQ may make clear:
1). How can I tell if Mooncalf is being flirtatious?
Her voice drops an octave.
2). So if I'm talking to Mooncalf, and her voice gets low and throaty, she's flirting with me?
Not necessarily.
3). Huh?
It usually means that she's flirting with someone within earshot. Not necessarily the person she's actually talking to. And not always that, either. Heck, sometimes she throat-chests her voice just to make squealy-girls feel bad about their little pitiful whiny voices.
4). So does that mean someone's gonna get laid by Mooncalf tonight?
Don't be silly. Mooncalf may travel in a cloud of estrogen, but she seldom if ever means anything by it. Just wipe the stuff off and get on with your life.
5). Aw, darn.
Sorry, hon. For what it's worth, if Mooncalf is interested in you, you won't be able to ignore the fact. Trust me. Mooncalf has been known to tell guys "You are the most beautiful man I've ever seen. May I rip your clothes off?" Sometimes she even means it.
6). Eee!
Nyeh heh heh.
Well, I'm sure that was more information than you really wanted to know. Just continuing my string of embarrassingly revealing blogs...
Replies: add your comment: currently 19 comments
Oh, to be lucky enough to hear the Mooncalf-flirting voice but once, Nezumi would break himself to pieces and find that a small price.
That one could hear such a heavenly reminder of why sound was created, yea even to be the recipient of such aural generosity, is almost too much to bear. Speak, gentle calf, and Nezumi may perish from the pleasure of your tone...
Posted by Nezumi @ 09/24/2001 10:01 PM EST
I *was* going to be flattering here, but then I saw Nezumi's comment, and, frankly, I'm not sure anything I could say would live up to Nezumi's adoration of you. So. Actually, I don't mind the information.
Posted by Nathan @ 09/24/2001 10:30 PM EST
I'd kick Nezumi, but I think my shoe would get all sticky.
Instead, I will flirt with Mooncalf! *flirts*
Posted by Ed @ 09/24/2001 10:41 PM EST
*Solidarity*. My natural speaking voice is rather low and husky, unless I'm deliberately trying to make it sound not-so-low. My singing voice, on the other hand ... well, I sing *baritone*, if that tells you anything. :P
Posted by Alanna @ 09/24/2001 11:06 PM EST
Quite... The first roommate I got in the freshman dorm had one of those squealy voices, and a nasal sorta speech pattern to go with it. And she knew it, too, which kinda makes you feel bad for her... Still, TRY having a serious argument with one of those. lol. ^_^;
No comment on the voice thing. (*pitchwoman voice* Ever considered fandubs...? heheh. ;) )
Posted by StB @ 09/25/2001 10:22 AM EST
I get called "Sir" on the phone on a regular basis.
"Hello."
"Good morning, sir, how are you today?"
"I'm not a sir."
"...pardon?"
"I AM NOT A SIR. My name is SARAH."
"... ...okay, sir, the reason I'm calling is--"
*CLICK*
Posted by chaobell @ 09/25/2001 01:33 PM EST
Skimmer get called "Mr." on a regular basis. However, this probbaly isn't due to her voice (which could pass for a man's) but the fact that she signes her emails using her initials ... therefore, noone can judge from her name. She likes it this way.
Posted by Skimmer @ 09/25/2001 05:38 PM EST
Wheee, I have a squeaky adolescent voice! *sqee~!*
Posted by Moonshine @ 09/25/2001 09:10 PM EST
I haven't got a clue how my voice really sounds. But when talking to people I don't know well, I make me sound cute. You can smack me now.
Posted by Meia @ 09/25/2001 10:20 PM EST
"Eeee!" indeed.....
I have a pretty good masculine voice, but I do admit...I CAN scream like a girl. If I want to. Which I never do. But I CAN. Don't ask; I don't have the answer...
I'm sure that was more that anyone else wanted to hear too...
Speaking of ripping clothes off, Moon, when is Mie going to get her clothes back (or put some on)? Don't get me wrong; I have no problem at all with her being naked! ^_' I just wondered if you had a plan of some sort.
And incidentally, people never ask ME is they can rip off MY clothes.... But, I usually end up doing it anyway just out of my own desire. ^_' LOL j/k! j/k!
Posted by Wolf @ 09/25/2001 11:49 PM EST
Ah to be deepthroated by Moon, must be a wonderfull thing :3
Posted by Dragonfly @ 09/26/2001 05:26 AM EST
Mooncalf, I must say... now *Dragonfly* is evil.
Posted by Nathan @ 09/26/2001 06:31 AM EST
Wolf: She's had her clothes back on for three days now! Some minion you are! Go look at the front page, silly! Hee hee...
DF: ... wouldn't you just love to know?
Nathan: No duh. That's why he's my buddy. DF and I are Comrades in Perversion.
Posted by Mooncalf @ 09/26/2001 07:21 AM EST
Ah, OK. As long as you're aware ^_^.
Posted by Nathan @ 09/26/2001 07:33 AM EST
Really??? Oh sorry....My bad. I guess I wasn't paying attention...
Was I seeing only what I WANTED to see? Perhaps. ^_' I'll be a better minion from now on!!!!
*sweat drop*
Posted by Wolf @ 09/26/2001 10:50 AM EST
You think your voice is deep? You should hear mine. ^^;;; Anyway, I love the thing about telling guys you want to rip off their clothes. Heh.
Posted by Erin @ 09/26/2001 09:49 PM EST
What?! I thought I was the only one that gave deepthroats to Dragonfly!! *sobs and clings to Dragonfly's pants*
Seriously, though, um, my voice goes up an octave when I'm flirting, but mostly because my normal voice is really deep and soft, and sometimes monotonous! GO MONOTONY!!! My flirt voice isn't scary, just more......feminine. And not surprisingly, when I was dating my last boyfriend, he was very frighten when he finally heard my real voice. Damned Nathans.... *runs off*
Posted by Lea @ 09/27/2001 07:53 PM EST
Must everyone be mean to me because of my name? Oh wait, I knew the answer to that already. Heh.
Posted by Nathan @ 09/28/2001 05:37 AM EST
I was really surprised when I first started realizing what my voice really sounds like. I always *thought* it was deeper but its actually quite high pitched... Not squeaky, though-- I think maybe a little nasally-- like a child. Strangely, I've been told several times that I sound "hot" on the phone. Weird.
I wanna hear Moon's voice!
Posted by Andrya @ 10/06/2001 11:39 PM EST
